Diary

June 21, 2025

I've been on vacation for the past couple of weeks now and it's honestly been quite eventful, especially since I constantly hung out with one of my cousins who came to visit from far. In the past, before the antidepressants and therapy, I probably would have remained in my room the entirety of her visit, feeling guilty over the fact that I just decided to stay in because of a "lack of energy" and "laziness". I'm happy that for my 20th birthday I'll finally be able to say that I feel better, that I want to live and enjoy each moment of my life.

June 10, 2025

Finally done with exams, I didn't get outstanding grades but I did pass so I'm satisfied with that. In any other moment of my life I'd probably be crashing out rn for not getting the best of the best, feeling absolutely worthless for getting one decimal less than perfect. There were times I didn't even care if I understood what I was studying as long as I could memorize it well in enough to get a good result on a test. I shifted my focus when studying this time, from mindlessly memorizing to actually understanding and I honestly had so much fun doing so.
Studying is slowly becoming less of a task and more like something I just want to do for the love of learning. And my grades are becoming just a number and not a measure of my worth as a person.

May 24, 2025

Today was honestly not a good day.
As I have stated before I have a class every Saturday in a nearby town.
Right at the end we were celebrating some students for their near graduation, and I heard some of my classmates making rude remarks about me, I usually don't let things like this get to me because they sound like 12 year old brats when they speak in such a manner, but I did decide to just leave.
My parents were busy with something important, I don't have friends in that class and I don't know how to get around on the bus so my only option was to walk. It took me about an hour to get home and I was kind of nervous the whole way because I had never been given permission to walk such a long distance alone before. Luckily nothing bad happened during the walk, but I got a terrible migraine after a few hours.

But anyway, I also found this webcomic I've started to really enjoy: Snow and Briar, it brightened my mood and the plot and characters have been very unique and funny so far.
Hopefully tomorrow will be a better day.

May 21, 2025

This right here is my current favorite dumpling filling recipe. Don't know why but I just felt the need to share it on here.
The ingredients are the following:

May 18, 2025

My dad helped me paint my bedroom walls today, I was getting tired of the light mint color I had chosen a couple of years ago, and feel so happy with the new shade of green I got this time. I think it feels so much cozier than it did before and am loving it.
Super grateful to my dad for helping me out.

Also, I wanted to recommend this video. Ever since I was a little girl I've always liked animals and never understood why people thought them inferior, when we too, are animals.
This video really resonated with me, and I wanted to keep it here for myself and in case anyone ever looks at this.

May 17, 2025

Every Saturday I visit some people's homes, ask about their health and give out some health related information as part of a class, one of those homes was conformed by a couple of elderly people.
I hadn't been able to visit them for a couple of weeks until now, and my team and I were greeted with the news that one of them had died on the 23rd of April. I felt so sad to hear the elderly woman talk about how it happened and I really can't imagine how horrible it must feel to lose a life partner. The only thing I can do is wish that her husband is now resting in peace and that she may continue to live a joyous life with the rest of her family, which luckily seem to be more present in her life now.

May 14, 2025

I've been planning to add a small place dedicated to reading inside my room for a while now, and today I finally told my parents about my idea, they gave me their approval, so now I can go ahead and look for things that would be fitting and within our budget. I'm really excited to bring this idea to life.

April 30, 2025

I wanted to share a highlight from my day: I asked siri to play the ussr national anthem (I'm not a socialist, just random) and she put on "barbie girl" on spotify instead. It was so unexpected, I just giggled when it started to play.

April 19, 2025

I finally came back to coding my website after about three months of it being kinda dead, I had been really busy lately with schoolwork but now I've decided to use the time I wasted doomscrolling reels on other stuff that make me feel fulfilled, like this.

Anyway, here's a playlist of songs I've been obsessed with, I always play it in the morning while I do my bed and get ready for the day overall.
I especially like "Amore Disperato" by Nada, "Da Ya Think I'm Sexy?" by Rod Stewart and "Figli Delle Stelle" by Alan Sorrenti.

April 16, 2025

I recently started taking antidepressants, at first I thought it might be a bad idea since my mother was very against me taking them, but I have to admit, they've helped me feel normal, like good normal.
Before this, I felt like I was losing my mind with constant intense mood swings sometimes for seemingly no reason and then a sense of emptiness, a void I couldn't get myself out of.
I couldn't concentrate on anything school related, I was losing my passion for drawing, felt insecure about every one of my close relationships with friends and family, nothing made any sense anymore.
But today, I felt alive, nothing out of the ordinary happened, but I still felt glad to be here, glad to just exist.